Jokes Funny Or Not?
March 31st, 2009 | Fly Fish Lessons | 5 Comments »Ten Thoughts to Ponder
Number 10 – Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.
Number 8 – Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich!
Number 7 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a
person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 – Some people are like a Slinky….. not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
down the stairs.
Number 5 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.
Number 3 – Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a
substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2 – In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT: – We know exactly where one cow with
mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in
America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal
immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
Department of Agriculture in charge of immigrants.
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It was the night of the palace ball and Cinderella couldn't stop crying. Her fairy God-mother was very distraught. "Cinderella," she said, "Why are you crying? You have a beautiful gown, a shiny pair of glass slippers, and you're about to have one of the best evenings of your life!" But Cinderella continued to cry. "I know," she said, sobbing, "but I've looked everywhere and I can't find my diaphragm! What am I going to do!?!" she cried again.
The fairy Godmother thought for a moment, and then said, "I'll make you a diaphragm, but only for tonight and you HAVE to be back by midnight or it will turn into a pumpkin." "Thank you! Thank you!" she shrieked, and she went hurrying out the door so she wouldn't be late.
The fairy God-mother smiled, happy to have pleased Cinderella so much. She settled down in front of the fire to await Cinderella's return.
The fairy God-mother waited. And she waited. And she waited, until finally 12 o'clock rolled around and there was still no sign of Cinderella. The fairy God-mother started to get worried. One o'clock rolled around and then came two and then three and the fairy God-mother had worked herself into a frenzy thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened to her.
Suddenly, the door swings open and Cinderella comes sauntering in in a daze with a lazy smile painted on her face, a little drunken swagger in her walk and kind of breathes a tired hello.
The fairy God-mother's eyes got big and she jumps up. "What happened? Are you ok?" she said with a frantic voice.
"I'm just fine," she murmured. I was on my way home when I met the most lovely man…. Peter, Peter something or other
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A father and his son go into the drug store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
Nodding agreement, the son asks his father, "Then what's the 6 pack for?"
"That's for when you're in college," the father says. "You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Following this line of logic, the son enthusiastically asks what the 12 pack is for.
"That's for when you're married, son. You have one for January, one for February, one for March…"
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Westjet
A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from
Ottawa
to Calgary. The little boy (who had been looking out the window)
turned
to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats
have
baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The
stewardess,
who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you
to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby
air planes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom
explain
that to
you."
Greatest jokes I've ever seen in here.